Unwavering Faith in an Ever Changing World

Life used to be so simple,  too simple at times but I am so happy about where I came from and the childhood I had.  Perfectly situated in an imperfect family but looking back I am glad for the simple days in the sun, in a tree, in the dirt, being chased by cows, catching grasshoppers in cow fields, learning to drive in a cow pasture when I was not tall enough to but granny let me drive anyway...and she laughed when I almost wrecked her car into a fence...go figure I would find the one object in a massive field and almost hit it. I am grateful for picking corn and shucking it or snapping beans or finding random creeks or cricks to jump in, cooler full of sandwiches and drinks to make a day of it. I am thankful for the simple times because I can reflect and close my eyes and be there. Life is so busy and full, how I long for the simple days. On my list of goals I am working towards, is a house with a big front porch so I can put a swing on it. I would use that swing morning and night, cool or hot doesn't matter. I want a yard big enough that I don't hear or see another person for quite a distance. I want some peace and quiet, the kind when I get home I don't hear a sound other than what Emma or nature create. As a kid I wanted the opposite, I used to think grannys house was too quiet...now I know why they have been there so long. This world is so noisy, full of uncertainty and change. I am only passing through and it's starting to really feel foreign. As a Christian, I am created for so very much more than what this earth offers...it's almost like being home sick for a place that I've never been. Maybe that's where the desire for a big front porch and swing come from...peaceful and calm...a deeper connection to what is to come. I am made for a kingdom so majestic my own mind cannot fathom what is being done in my favor as we speak...he is preparing. As things fall and crumble in my earthly home,  I am so thankful for God calling my heart as a child.  I am glad that I just have a visitor's pass to America. My heart breaks for our nation but my heart is readying. I will do just as I am called and that is to love. Just as Christ does. We will all be judged before the throne,  we all fall short of the Glory of God. I know what God's word says about marriage and I will hold onto that truth but I will not judge.  An earthly law was passed but God's word stands the same, I will continue to look forward and train my daughter up right.  In the eyes of the Lord, marriage is between man and woman,  the law may recognize it but God does not and in the end. ..that is all that should matter. Our world is always changing,  make sure you have the unchanging word of God on your heart to keep you afloat during this journey home.

The Light Will Shine

The past few months have come and passed in a blur. I don't believe in looking at the past but I've come to realize a few things. The first is that my very tattered and completely broken soul has been held together...perfectly. That a calm and gentle courage has flowed from me. I have come to see that when I  was on my knees as I often am, that I was being heard and that He was rallying and planning my next steps. He is so near to the weak and broken hearted, I am a testament of that. When my worldly thoughts and doubts have crept in and I've thought about every possible thing going wrong, he has proved me wrong everytime. It is so amazing, that a sinner such as me could be deserving of love from our heavenly father. It is so hard to live in such a sinful world, to see how satan comes to destroy. He destroyed my marriage but he will not destroy my heart. He tried to destroy my 5yr old and God is furious over it. He swiftly came to our side and is fighting this battle for us. I have known love deep and I have known pain so deep it cannot be explained. I know we will continue to rise through the fire because God is greater, he is the ultimate healer and no one, no power can stand against us. The light is constantly driving out the dark. WHAT IS DONE IN SECRET, WILL ALWAYS....ALWAYS....BE BROUGHT TO THE LIGHT. I will rise each and every day renewed, my spirit will not be broken. I will continue to fight the good fight.

Amy-

Easter prayer

Bless the Lord o my soul, o my soul, worship his holy name,sing like never before o my soul.

Thank you Jesus for the love you've shown a sinner like me. Your name is great and your heart is kind...for all your goodness I will keep on singing. I know that the goal of these trying times is to be content and rejoice in you during the storm for you are the great comforter and my refuge. Who can stand against me? I am learning to close my eyes and just breath more, let it all wash away. Only you know my worry and fears, my sadness and tears. Only you can lift me up and set my feet on solid ground.  I have stumbled but just as sure as you love me my feet are steadying day by day. Thank you for walking with me through fire, I trust in you. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins, you're my hero, warrior and almighty prince. Center me when I get distracted by the things of this world. I am so glad that there is the promise of everlasting life, please hold my hand as I journey through this life and guide me to make a positive imprint on earth. I believe, I  believe, I believe. You're more than enough for me.

May the lost in Faith find their way at the sound of your great name...every fear has NO place at the sound of your great name. The enemy? He has to leave at the sound of your great name ♡

Dirt Road Walk

Dirt stirs around her feet as she walks down the road, going no where on purpose. Not a house or car in sight, just her and this dirt road. Memories swirl about from days long gone and she smiles.  Many branches on her family tree and she is set apart yet beautifully entwined.  The warm sun beats down on her golden hair,  comfortable in her tank top, cut off shorts and flip flops. She carries on until memories past make the harshness of reality slip away. Dirt swirls..

Void.

***Numb, blank, empty...floating, falling and back up again.***

His Grace IS sufficient

Hello. About five minutes ago I realized I left my groceries in the car, completely forgot about them. As a newly single mom, life has been a whirlwind to say the least. I left a very abusive relationship last August. I stepped out with my mustard seed of faith and had to walk away. I felt like I couldn't make it one more day. I spent 5 years praying, begging God to please save my marriage, to please work on our hearts, most especially for God to speak to my husbands heart so that he would become a Godly leader for our home. A home where love is patient and kind not neglectful and harsh. Looking back it is a blur for me all the pain I went through, I held on to God's promise that he will complete the work he started in us. It took me a while to realize that my husband did not want those things whole heartedly. I waited and prayed, prayed and waited. And then one day it all came together very quickly, I had family and friends rallied around me to help me move myself and our four year old daughter out of that terrible environment. The last week we were there I had called my mom and told her he wouldn't buy us groceries or even let me use either if our vehicles to go to the store. My sister in law came and took me to the store with the money I made from secretly selling my wedding rings. I kept that hidden so he wouldn't steal the money. I placed it behind a picture frame on my dresser and prayed he wouldn't grow suspicious as to why I was no longer wearing my rings. That week, God spoke. He spoke to my sister in law when she urgently stated, its time for you to leave. He spoke when my mom called and said you can cone live with us for a while, its going to be alright. He spoke again when my family and friends from church came to pack us up and get us out in a matter of hours. He spoke when I landed a job very quickly. I was signed up and ready to go to Nursing school at LU before things got worse. I had worked as a CNA for a year and had felt called to that field, it was so rewarding helping others. I am so thankful for my time in the healthcare field, it taught me so much. I grew emotionally and spiritually because God showed me that I absolutely CAN do ALL things through Christ who Strengthens me. That all changed when I had to quit my job at his request to care for my little one when she was very sick, he refused. More control and abuse was the outcome. I was stuck, or so he thought. On a tiny seed of faith, I left. I left with no job and brought only Emma's furniture and toys and of course our clothes. I didn't want her to be without her favorite things, some normalcy. I battled for that. The rest, I left to him. His castle of material things. I was hired very quickly after submitting résumés, the job was an eye care clinic, a christian one. I an thankful for that opportunity. Something still didn't feel right and I received a call within my first month and they said they were doing away with my position altogether. They over hired and didn't need me. I was baffled, I questioned God a lot that day. He said be patient, I have something better in store for you. What happened next blew me away. My sister in law called me and said that I needed to be ready for an interview in an hour. An HOUR.she had applied for a job and decided it wasn't for her. She told them that it wasn't for her and that she knew someone that would be perfect, and asked if I could have her interview spot. They said yes. An hour later, all nerves and uncertainty I winged it. I got the job. It has provided more security than the last and is something I could see myself doing for a very long time. In the interview I was so nervous because I hadn't finished college, and at my age I felt like that was an accomplishment I needed under my belt to even be considered for this position. But it didn't matter, and I got the job. I am learning first hand and can go back to school anytime I want because it's never too late. A new day is always dawning. I started working and moved me and miss Emma into our own place a month later, I purchased furniture here and there. Its really starting to feel like home now. I just bought pure white corelle (always wanted a set) dishes for us to eat on...bye bye paper plates!! The car that I was driving when I left was a nightmare, I had absolutely no brakes the day I moved... Thankfully it was my step dad driving it when we learned this. Several repairs later it was drivable and then on Christmas day it literally blew up, smoke and all. I guess God wanted us in a nicer ride because Jan. 1st I financed my very own pure white car. He is making ALL things new. The sunroof wouldn't close all the way on the old car and it was cold, I kept Emma bundled up but it was still chilly and God just wasnt having that. I was perfectly content with no car payment but God wants the best for us. I am still rising from the fire and he is setting my feet on solid ground. He is reigning, he has tucked us under his wings. He knows I am broken and imperfect but he loves me anyway. We have one more hurdle to face and I know God will prevail again, he allow his perfect will and we will not just be ok, but held by a MIGHTY and JUST and LOVING KING. If he is for us....then who...tell me who could ever be against us?

*Little Aquarius Turns 5*

Dear Emma,

Hello, my beautiful darling. I just cannot accurately put into words just how much I love you. I never knew a love like this until there was you, it is perfectly overwelming. You are so special to me one little one, more than you may ever know. Here are some things I want to share, as I've been blessed to watch you grow. From just a teeny tiny dot to a teetering tater tot, I watched you grow. From scooting to standing, standing to running. From nursing to table food, table food to picky eater... I've watched you grow. From newborn squeals to "ma ma" and "da da", " ma ma" and "da da" to "NO!"... I've watched you grow. You use your pleases and thank you's, you pray with all your hearts might. You hold doors for strangers with a smile on your face, in those moments your joy is so evident. You still say " mommy hold me , pick me up " and in those moments my joy is evident. For I know that one day, closer than I like, will be the last day you ask me. When you smile your eyes sparkle, they can light up any room. God made you special my dear, and on this earth you have a purpose. But while you're little still, I will continue to hold you close and raise you the best I can.  I pray that God watches over you and keeps you in the palm of his hand. You're silly like your mama and love to make others laugh. Your favorite time is bath time, and you love washing your own hair. You're kind to all the kids at school, even the ones who are unfair. You demonstrate when they hurt you how to turn the other cheek. You are perfectly perfect in every way my darling, and I am so happy to be your mom. When God gave me you, I found I where I belong. I belong at home on a Saturday night, snuggled up with you.. Watching Madagascar and eating popcorn too. I belong at the table playing play-dough and singing bedtime songs. Reading books and candy land, or watching you play dolls. Happy 5th birthday, Emma... The greatest gift is you!!!