Life lately..

I cannot believe it's been since August since I've blogged.. Pull up a chair, I've been a busy girl.

Where to begin.. Oh right, I have been running. Figuratively speaking of course, you would laugh if you saw me really run. Ha. I hit the ground running and haven't looked back until now... Now it's a slow but steady pace and hindsight is not entirely 20/20 yet... A little murky but it's becoming a little clearer every day. The day I decided, with much prayer and thought, that I was not going suffer any longer... I sprung into to action. A crazy frenzy began, I laced my shoes up and took off. Running harder than I ever have, so much more to fight for now. Two roads diverged in a wood and I took the one less traveled. It was winding and I stumbled a time or two but the wind was at my back and the sun upon my face.
A couple things have come into perspective for me, the first being something I've always known. I am loved and surrounded by the best friends and family. The amount of help and understanding that has flowed my way I am ever grateful for.
The second is I have found myself again. Strong, independent and radiant.

**********

He looked at her with such distaste she shivered. Eyes black as coal, a reflection of his soul. Her spirit cracked a little more, she lowered her head, turned and walked away.
Tears warmed her cheeks and her heart numbed a little more. She would hide them, that's one thing he hated most, proof of his hatefulness.

I Am, Because You are Not.

Hello? Do you see me? I am.
I am love and a steady stream,
the giver of life and full of dreams;
I am kind, mother, forgiving, witty, sensitive, beautiful, and encourager just to name a few;
I am ambitious and smart,
I am content and grateful as I dream and reach for a better future;
I am observant and find peace and harmony in God's green earth,
I am appreciative of this life not taking it for granted;
I am the daughter of a King, and I love him,
I am His and He is mine;
I am a beginner in the kitchen but can clean like no other all the while balancing a baby on my hip,
I am a home maker and I can turn any house into a home;
I am rich for my treasures are not materials,
I am storing nothing for my trip out of here;
I am awakened and on fire,
I am alive and I am free;
I am thrifty and can make a little go a long way,
I am happy all the time, a glow burns from within;
I am.


Do you hear me yet?? I am not.
I am not a rough river, tumultuous and rapid,
I am not designed to raft those waters;
I am not a small corner in a big room,
I am not silent, I want to be heard;
I am not dumb, retarded, lazy, fat, worthless, ugly, prettier with make up, hypochondriac;
I am not to be overlooked and a side note,
I am not meant to frown and cast down my eyes, I am meant to walk in confidence and security;
I am not meant to walk behind but at your side,
I am not supposed to fall into the shadows;
I am not made to be at your service,
I am not made to be used at all;
I am not yours anymore,
I am not yours anymore,
I am not yours anymore.


Do you hear me now??? I am me and I am free!
I am me and I am free to love unrestricted and without consequence,
I am me and I am free to dream, and chase those dreams, attain those dreams,
I am me and I am free to give freely unrestricted to the poor, needy, whoever, my heart is free,
I am me and I am free to worship God without ridicule,
I am me and I am free to have good days without fear of it ending,
I am me and I am free to live life and raise my child in love and happiness,
I am me and I am free to be happy, I am so happy,
I am me and I am free to get dressed up and feel pretty without being laughed at for trying,
I am me and I am free to eat cereal and drink milk without judgment,
I am me and I am free to be healthy without judgment,
I am me and I am free to live positively in the light we are supposed to be, and I will shine, I will shine so bright, I will shine in the day and I will shine at night, I will shine on good days and I will shine on bad days, I will shine in the rain and I will shine when the sun is already so bright. I am me and I am free, do you hear me? I am, because you are not.

Be.

You ask me to be, right now;
You ask me to see, somehow;
When even though things are hard right now,
You ask me just to be...

You say that you will open my eyes,
You say you will brighten my skies,
Just trust in you right now,
You ask me just to be...

I am trusting you Lord,
I am learning to wait on my King,
I know that things are not what they seem,
You ask me just to be,
You ask me just to be,
Because you have set me free.




These words were written upon my heart just now..

Amy

God's Not Dead!

As a Christian, I will be the first to say I am not perfect, or blameless because I am a believer. I am still a sinner, unworthy of God's love. But he loves me anyway, thank GOD. I have prayed for my relationship with him to deepen, and grow more intimate...for him to be my ALL-CONSUMING fire again. A revival. What I haven't mentioned is I wasn't exactly doing my part 100%. Let me explain. I Pray all the time, I try and lead a good, honest life that centers around God. But I haven't been totally sold out in a long time and that has been the reason why I haven't delved deeper with my creator, Savior, KING. I jumped on the bandwagon of reading romance books starting with twilight, and twilight is PG, BUT it left me craving more and voila fifty shades of grey comes along and I along with many other Christian women jumped on that bandwagon...and that has been a slippery slope because my reading time has been consumed with book after book of love stories that are not realistic and perverted. I said it ladies...PERVERTED. I didn't feel guilty for so long, and at the same time I am praying for my relationship with God to deepen. Boy did I have BLINDERS on! In order for God to be all-consuming, we have to be SOLD OUT completely...not just in the areas that are convenient for us but in EVERYTHING. HE wants it ALL. Jesus PAID it ALL upon that Cross...isn't that enough of a LOVE story? That is the THE ultimate LOVE story. God is SO good, All the time, and he knew that I needed a sort of revival in order for me to see where I was going wrong and that I have been blind to Satans subtle attack. That's how he gets you. John 10:9-11 says: 9"I am the door; if anyone enters through Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture. 10"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. 11"I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep.…" Looking back I feel so foolish, none of those stories of Mr. Brooding eyes can ever compare to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who wants me...ME? He wanted to save me so much he laid down his life. Jesus paid it all, all to him I owe.
I encourage anyone who may read this to go see the movie, GOD'S NOT DEAD!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hs05AtP2wd8

Amy

Mean Girls...Mom Edition

{Hi to all my stalkers! I have no idea who would really want to read my stuff other than my Mom! Haha. But for you, whoever you are, Thank you!}



Alright, fasten your seatbelts, it's soapbox time. This blog is, after all, Life According to Amy! I was inspired on this one from a friend who had a run in with a real life Cruella Deville. Yep, that's right, she exists in real life...fur coat and all. She was shopping with her little one, he was all bundled up and warm except....wait for it...he...didn't...have...a...hat...on! Inside of a store at that! I mean I always make sure to keep ALL my gear on when I am shopping so why did this Mom feel like it was OK to NOT have a hat on her son! Along with his fleece outfit and thick blankets...I mean, someone should give her the memo, right? <<<<Sarcasm, ya'll like it? Enter, Cruella Deville. This woman in her long fur coat decides to do just that, give her a memo. She tells my friend "shame on you, that baby needs a hat, it's 43 degrees outside". My friend replies "come again?". And Cruella repeats herself. OK, I have to admit, I have done that exact same thing when confronted from another female in regards to my Mothering style, jaw hits the floor as does my stomach. And I stand there, at a loss for words. What started out as a good day or bad day turned bad or got worse because no matter how much you want to forget the 2 minutes it took for this person to judge you, you spend the rest of the day fuming. Am I right or am I right? I thought so. Of course, you play many ways in your head as to how you should have responded to this person but didn't. A mother and her son who was bundled as she would see fit for her child and yet someone had to judge her. She is one of the funniest girls I have had the privilege of knowing, full of compassion and love. She has a happy home and raises her children wonderfully. There are so many mothers who throw that all away for many reasons and we still shouldn't judge because we don't know their hurt, their reasons for it all. As a Mother I have dealt with these sort of comments, many times even from family and it hurts. But who are they that judge? To judge and speak unkind words comes from an unhappy heart. Whether someone just upset them and they are angry or maybe they have deeper wounds. They are not happy. So to my other Momma friends, who have stood at a loss for words, I have come up with some food for thought that may help next time you stand confronted. I pray that you stop and think these words: Word of God Speak. God places many people in our lives at different times for different purposes. Don't let Satan steal your joy, while you are shopping with your little ones, or sitting in a Dr's office with a very sick child, or while you are at the park enjoying the sunshine. Wherever you may be, let God win. We are never alone, we never walk alone. Pray that God would equip you with words of love and kindness that would speak to those who are unkind. That may be the sole purpose of them running into you and without those unkind words we would never know the love we need to share right there in that moment. He will guide your heart. What a wonderful lesson this teaches our children, we are after all, their role models. We don't have to travel to a foreign country to be a missionary for God, serve wherever you are. That is what he calls us to do. What Satan intends to destroy, God will build upon a solid ground. "Spirit lead me, where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior." - Oceans by Hillsong United.

I am HIS, and he IS mine...how precious it that. The King of Kings, chose me? And I can call upon his name.

XOXO, Amy



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw

10 Random Things to Know About Yours Truly;)

Ok, I have not become a brilliant blogger over night and being that this is only my 3rd post don't expect anything fantastic haha. I just love to here the keys clicking and see my thoughts spell out on the screen. I started this blog to get my creative writing going again and to have an outlet to let my voice out of it's box. I used to write poems, songs and short stories. Time to get back to it and share it with whoever is willing to read my stuff. At the very least I am opening myself up and putting it out there. Sometimes that can be the hard part because writing is so personal. Every week I will share 10 random things about myself so you can get to know me a little better :) So here is this weeks random 10 things to know about me:

#1. I am a very picky eater. You will not see me trying sushi or anything that I cannot pronounce. My taste pallet is very basic and sticks to the good ol' southern side of things. Blame my granny, blame my momma...and all my aunts/great aunts. Ask some of my good friends and they will tell my granny's canned beans are the best thing around. Hands down. So some say picky, I say southern spoiled. :-)


#2. I am hilarious. Just kidding but I am not kidding when I say that I am one of those people who laugh at all the wrong times. If someone falls in front of me, it's over and I am in hysterics. Of course I feel bad if they are hurt but mostly I am always at the right spot at the right time for a minor incident with no injuries other than my stomach cramping from laughing so hard. I will never forget when I was in college and this guy was walking up the steps as I was coming down and he pulls a move I only thought I had down, and he trips UP the stairs. I bust out laughing and he makes it worse because he says to himself "I hate it when I do that"...yep, I laughed harder. I couldn't imagine not having laughter. You HAVE to laugh sometimes...I just laugh a little bit more than others and honestly it is one of my favorite things to do.


#3. I talk to myself. Sometimes I run through acting skits that I just made up on the fly. I have always wanted to be an actress. I always do it when I am driving, I don't know what it is about the car inspiring me but it does. It has gotten interesting now because I always have my 4yr in the back seat. She definitely thinks I am a weirdo because she always asks me who I am talking to haha. And if you haven't acted out a scene from dumb and dumber in the car...you should. Just do it OK?

#4. I listen to just about every genre of music. I love it all. Except the heavy metal stuff...that gives me anxiety. My Pandora playlist consists of everything from Hillsong United to Eminem. I know...that sounds bad but I only listen to the edited versions of Eminem. I don't judge. Music of every kind got me through a really tough time a couple of years ago. Eminem soothed me. Never thought I would say that, but I am firm believer that just like people, music can come into your life for whatever reason. Living in the Bible belt I feel a little explanation may be needed for some potential readers haha. I am currently listening to Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zero's station. One of my faves. I always blog with my headphones in, music turned up.

#5. Phew...why did I say 10...I am really not that interesting at all. So I guess this one can be about how I do not really like to talk about myself. Yep...the next five should be interesting.

#6. All things hospital used to creep me out and now I am studying to become a nurse. Helping people is awesome although it can be a bit stressful working in that environment but making a difference outweighs any of the stressors. Plus my little girl thinks mommy is a super hero and she wants to be a nurse just like me so she can come to work with me when she is old enough. WIN.


#7. I am tough. I mean really tough. Not bragging just showing myself some love. Looking back I see myself broken, scared and uncertain. I reflect on how I rose from the fire, feet unsteady I walked anyway. Life has thrown me some lemons but my lemonade is sweet. I have faced a very challenging life event with a brave face and am truly stronger because of it. It was hard...realllllllly hard but I relied on God to get me through and he did. He IS  good ALL the time. I will share some of the trials, how I faced them and how God saw me through in another blog. I am thankful to my Mama for raising us right, she also has risen from her own fires and I am so inspired by her. I have her to THANK for keeping us in Church, and living her life according to the Word of God because it is through all that, that I too, have a relationship with a very loving God who carried me through one of the darkest hours of my life.

 

#8. I am very forgiving, I trust until proven wrong and I forgive everyday. Life is short, way too short to hold grudges. Love, forgive and move on. It doesn't mean that you have to keep those people close to you that may have hurt you but you must forgive and let it be. We are here for a short while and it is a vapor so don't waste time holding grudges. We are all sinners and fall short of the glory of God. I am far from perfect so I don't expect the next person to be. It is unattainable.

#9. My favorite season is FALL. Something about the slight chill in the air, the beautiful leaves turning color and flying everywhere, pumpkin wax melts, pumpkin PIE, hayrides, pumpkin picking, the beginning of the best holiday season, Halloween, that last family cookout outside, LOVE it.

#10. I am deathly scared of The Great Wolfe Lodge's, "Howlin Tornado"...ask my sisters...I was talked into getting on this ride at a water park last fall and I about died. Scared the crap out of me. I was flying out of my seat on this float. I screamed so loud I am sure everyone heard me. I was shaking like I had just been electrocuted when I got off, I had to sit down for a good five minutes. But it is worth it for the memory made, I wasn't laughing then but we definitely laugh about it now...well they were laughing the whole time at me while trying to hold onto me as I was flailing about but it is funny to me now too.


XOXO, Amy

Home

Home. It is that warm feeling where you can go and feel warm, good and happy. My home for the past 4yrs and some months has been with my bright and funny little girl. My focus, my reason, my joy, my heart. My world shifted focus, tilted on a whole other axis. Me and her, her and me. My plain canvas was suddenly splashed with vivid, beautiful colors and a splash of glitter. My eyes have been re-opened and I see the world in a whole new light...it's more beautiful than I ever realized before. She found me and my sense of home changed. I embraced this new life growing within me and it was a deeply spiritual experience for me. God and all his Glory decided to bless me...me? In all of my shortcomings and unworthiness, he BLESSED me? Amazing. I picked out hair bows before the doctors informed me of whether I was carrying a girl or boy. She came to me in a dream while I was early on and I saw her beautiful face and a head full of hair. So I did what most women wouldn't, I excitedly went to Target and stocked up...she was set for a while with hair bows. My pregnancy was high risk, which meant lots of ultra-sounds, and one day when seeing a specialist he surprises me with a free 3-d glimpse of my little girl...and there she was...my vision from my dream. Right there on the screen, head full of hair and all...euphoric. My subconscious knew before the doctors did. Amazing. Then I shared her with the world, jumped into my natural mothering instincts without a hitch and have been HOME ever since. I waited my whole life up until that point for her, I knew I would have an Emma, her name has been picked out since I was just a little girl playing baby doll. Of course, that was my secret to keep so no one in my immediate family would take it for their babies. I have always had an amazing and beautiful relationship with my own Mother...sure there have been misunderstandings and hiccups along the way, that just equals growth. I am so glad to have my mom, her words of wisdom and edifications. I think it is so important as women to pass this on to our daughters, sons...Everyone really. Let your words be few and meaningful. Even towards those who are not so wise with their words, it is their weakness that creates it. Their own internal battle. Dodge that shiz. And keep on relishing in your warm, good and happy home...no one can take that from you without your consent.

XOXO, Amy

Hello, Goodbye..

I have been thinking for quite a while of starting a blog and about just as long as to what I would blog about. This first blog is dedicated to a very special, four legged, brown eyed, golden hued dog named Noah. He spent 11 good years on this earth with my family and I and he has taken pieces of our hearts with him as we said goodbye to him today. It seems like yesterday that he was vibrant, healthy and running down our very long country drive way, keeping up with our cars as we would come and go. He never took off, a sign of his loyalty. He is in the background of all of our thoughts on every single occasion spent at my parents house. He did NOT like strangers, and he had a fearsome bark if people he didn't know showed up...and he scared the shiz out of my older brother...my brother would NOT get out of the car until someone put Noah in the basement. Ahhh the memories...those times will definitely be brought up again and again...my brother will probably always look over his shoulder waiting for that dog to creep up behind him, HA! Noah was the true definition of companion, he always wanted to be where everyone was. Birthday parties on the back deck by the pool, he was there. In the yard getting ready for a hayride, he was there close by watching. Cookouts on the side deck, yep he was right in the middle of it all...those puppy eyes begging for food. My mom is an awesome cook, so I totally don't blame him there. And my most cherished memories is of the simple times we would just sit on the porch together, him pawing my foot or his head nudging my hand to get me to rub his tummy.  I would talk to him about this and that and he would listen for as long as I would talk. He loved to love and be loved. He spent his time mainly outdoors in his element or in the basement but on occasion he would sneak upstairs and want to join us indoors and he would flash those puppy eyes again pleading for my mom to ignore the fact that he was in her sitting room where animals are not allowed. He would always win that battle. He was protective yet gentle. My parents live on 25 acres in the country so snakes, bear and all other kinds of animals are definitely lurking behind those trees and I will never forget the time I was leaving and he ran down the stairs ahead of me and as I reached the bottom he backed his body up to me growling at the unknown and would let me go a step further...God only knows what he protected me from, but everyone that knows me, knows that a spider is enough to get me screaming and running for safety. Yep, seems like yesterday...11 good years just flashed before our eyes. He will always be remembered running in the sun, his golden coat shining, ears whipped back and big brown eyes that smiled. 11 years seems like a long time but looking back it has passed in a flash. Hello, Goodbye..